Do you believe that your significant other has become more concerned with controlling you than with your happiness, and you fear that their behavior has started to interfere with your well-being? If so, pay attention to these typical warning signs of a controlling partner so you will know if you should take some action in your own best interest. There is a distinction between a controlling and a loving partner and sometimes you may not even realize you have a problem.
Most people try to control their partner in subtle ways and wish they could improve or change certain things about them. However, this urge should not cause you to become someone who manipulates others or allows others to manipulate them to get what they want. Some of this controlling behaviour can be because someone is scared of the vulnerability that comes with loving and trusting someone. Most people who behave this way have been hurt before, been betrayed by someone that they cared deeply about or they may have grown up observing relationships in which such behavior was prevalent. Despite this, never forget that they have chosen to behave in this way.
Here are some obvious signs of a controlling partner.
You Lose Contact With Your Loved Ones
One of the most obvious and common signs of a controlling partner is the fact that they try to alienate you from relationships that preceded them. You may notice that lately, you’ve lost contact with your loved ones, your friends, your family members, or even your work colleagues. Your partner may have issues with you going out and/or spending time with them; they may even try to be disruptive when you’re on the phone, not to mention wanting to manipulate your communication via other mediums such as comments or messages on your social media accounts. If you’ve started to miss all the people you care about and the person who is to blame for this situation is your partner, you should do something and not allow them to isolate you.
Contradictory Rules for You
If you’ve noticed that your partner has different rules for you than they have for themselves, if they don’t allow you to do certain things but they get upset when you ask the same from them, you should realize that your significant other is trying to control you. Determine if this is on purpose or unintentionally. For example, do they get mad if you want to spend time with your friends but they see nothing wrong with going out with their friends every night or even flirting with other people? Do they patrol your phone like its the Mexican border, but keep theirs locked tighter than Fort Knox? Pay attention to these signs.
Finances Are a Big Issue
Experts have concluded that a controlling partner usually exhibits one of two types of financial behavior. There is the partner who doesn’t get financially involved in the relationship, who doesn’t help pay the bills or assume any other type of financial responsibility. Conversely, there is the other type of controlling partner who is in absolute control of everything financial. They decide how much they will spend and on what, they restrict their partner’s spending, even though they’ve earned it, and will not let their partner in on many or most of the financial decisions that concern both of them.
You Don’t Get Any Support
Does your partner offer you any support or any encouragement when you need it or is it always all about them? Are they by your side, and do they advocate on your behalf when things don’t work out for the best? Do they try to cheer you up when you’re feeling a little bit down or are they always thinking about themselves and too busy to notice that you have a problem? In a healthy relationship, both partners should encourage and support each other and not solely focus on their individual needs.
They Are Constantly Trying to Change You
Is your partner constantly trying to change you? Do they justify their attitude by saying that they are actually trying to improve you, to make you better, but in reality, they just want to change you to better suit their needs? This is one of the commonest traits of a controlling person, and they might not do this only with you, but with other people as well. They feel the need to always be in control of everything and they expect people to behave the way they want; if not, they have no issues with making the most unreasonable demands.
It Is Never Their Fault
A controlling partner is always right. They’ve never done anything wrong and you are solely to blame for all the things that have gone wrong in your relationship. In fact, you could even say that they have a blame phobia since it’s never their fault, only yours and of course, other people’s. It’s impossible to work on a compromise with them because they think that you are the only one who should change something, after all, their behavior is flawless.
Sadly, most of these relationships become abusive; physically and emotionally. When they feel that they are losing control over you, they will start accusing you of different things and your fights might degenerate into physical altercations or emotional abuse (they will tell you that you are not capable of doing anything right or that you’ll never find someone as good as them who will love and accept you with all your horrible faults).
If you’ve realized that you are in a relationship where your partner cares more about control and totally neglects all the other aspects of your relationship, such as respect, emotional and financial support, and overall kindness and compassion you should do something. Talk to them, try to work it; but also think about what you want, what you deserve, and what you are receiving in actuality from your love life.
Have you ever had a relationship with a controlling partner? How/when did you realize this, and how did you cope? What are other signs of a controlling partner?
