Getting into a relationship with a new person can be fraught with uncertainty, especially if you have a reasonable suspicion that they may still be in love with an ex. It can be hard for a person to heal from a past love that had a profound impact on their life and heart. Therefore, I think it’s pointless to drive yourself crazy about the issue, instead, if you really are interested in the person, recognize and accept the situation for what it is and act accordingly. If you’ve seen what you think may be some signs, but can’t quite grasp their meanings, I will attempt to explain what some of the most common red flags typically indicate.
They Stay In Constant Contact
When your partner who has no ties (children, business etc.) ardently keeps the lines of communication open with an ex, that usually indicates there are lingering feelings of an un-platonic nature. I am friends with my exes, but we don’t constantly communicate. Sometimes months and even years go by without any contact. There is nothing wrong with being friends with exes, however, when it is overly friendly and too involved; that is a red flag. For instance, they text daily and/or talk on the phone very very frequently. If the conversation is delving into personal affairs such as your relationship, finances, and day-to-day life, that is too much. Also, if they are constantly remembering “the time when”. or you overhear missives such as ” a still my ting dat?” or “nobody cyaa come between this”, it obvious, smaddy a dash wud pon yuh! Oh! Communication mediums are not only limited to phones either, but include email, video chat, instant messages, or social media. If they refuse to detach because they’re supposed “friends,” then it may be time for you to wake up to the fact that a person who is really over a past relationship would not undermine your respect and trust by their constant inappropriate communication with their ex.
They Reminisce A Lot On Moments With The Ex
One of the most disturbing signs is hearing your significant other constantly reminisce on endearing moments or events they had with a past lover. If they miss it so much, why not go back from whence they came? Additionally, other conversations or constant musings starring the ex are unacceptable. That period in their life has come and gone and should be replaced with building new memorable moments with you. Maybe they just want that old thing back, in that event, don’t stand between them and the past they so earnestly crave. You try catch a flight and leave them at the arrival lounge of old outdated memories.
They Hold On To Sentimental Gifts
So, they’re still holding on the bed full of old bad-colour teddy bears? The dresser full of old greeting cards? The empty bottle that the eau-de-kuss-kuss weh done from before yuh did born come inna? Well, obviously, those things still mean a lot to them, so much so that they need to be prominently featured in their everyday life. Anything that is an emotional trigger should be perceived as a major warning sign. It’s completely understandable that certain gifts shouldn’t be tossed away and forgotten. However, if there are unnecessary gifts located around the house or in a trunk, or under the mattress for keepsakes, then honestly, there’s a problem there.
They Compare You To The Ex
I think that one of the worst things a person could do is to compare their current and past partners. Each relationship should be founded and built on its own merits. If your partner is telling you that his ex was thinner than you, cooked better than you, or was more considerate than you that indicates those are things he misses about her. If your partner is telling you that her ex always did xyz, and that he would never do xyz, or that she wishes that you would do xyz the way he did, she basically wishes that you had similar features, personality traits, or customs as her ex. If you feel like you’re constantly competing against the ex, you probably are. Why subject yourself to that strife? You will always be perceived to be deficient as the determination has already been made that the ex is superior in those areas. At the same time, some people will try to make themselves appear better than the ex to prove that they are”the one.” If this is you, stop deluding yourself. It’s bad enough when someone is making a prekkeh out of you, but when you start making a prekkeh out of yourself? You have gone way past fool-fool. “You know a woman name Marjorie? You go up that road, there’s a left-right there, you go like this, and after, and you go there, you go up there again, yuh go so…..” I hope Nateesha can help you find your way back to your dignity and self-respect. Let that person be with the one he/she obviously longs for. You’re worth more than that.
They Social Media (&/Or Real Life)Stalk The Ex
Have you recently gone creeping through their social media accounts and analyzed all their tweets, likes and comments? Good thing you did! No, no, scratch that. It’s bad that you did. You obviously have trust issues relative to your partner’s conduct. And! Just because your partner is very social media active doesn’t necessarily mean they’re creeping. But, if as them ex fling up a picture they like it and then proceed to perform a running commentary after every comment? Trust me, sumpn inna sumpn. By the way, them say yuh must be skeptical about people who begin a sentence with “trust me.” But, trust me, its worth your while to make an exception this time :-). If your current siggy is stalking their ex on social media, while they may just be OBSESSED, or at the very least, very unhealthily fixated on their ex.
They Constantly Shade The Ex
This red flag is completely opposite of what has already been listed. Yet, it is a definite sign that shouldn’t be overlooked. Speaking ill of their former partner could totally reveal their unwavering feelings for them and their frustration at not being with that person. This is especially prevalent in situations when the other person ended the relationship. A lot of women think that because a man trashes a woman, it means that he despises her. Uhm, not so much. Truth be told, it usually means that he has yet to resolve the issues that he has with her. He may dislike her so much because he just can’t come to terms with the thought that they’re no longer a couple. So, temper your gloating the next time you hear your man refer to the “big hole gyal”, he’s probably wishing he was in that hole sinking like the Titanic.
They Undermine & Disrespect The Ex’s Current Relationship
Has their ex recently started dating someone new and they’ve been in the most horrible mood since then? Yeah? Why? Because, they are obviously jealous, and jealousy is the number one (dysfunctional) sign of having feelings. Here’s a scenario: they are still good friends, they link all the time, but then your siggy ends the friendship or there is suddenly strife among them because their ex is in a new relationship. If they’re just friends then the new relationship shouldn’t be irritating. Furthermore, you know it’s really serious when they begin to compare themselves to and criticize their ex’s new partner. If they were fully into you and committed to the relationship, then he/she would care less about their ex’s new lover. After all, they’ve moved on and they have you. Right?
One bit of advice: Never become involved with a person who has just gotten out of a long-term relationship. Typically, you’ll just be used as a rebound and will eventually find yourself experiencing the scenarios mentioned above. Try to ensure that the issues you face will always AND only involve you and him/her, no third, fourth or fifth parties.
